My Dad's Heart Surgery Story

I knew this post would be here before I knew it & I would be forced to re-think my Dad's heart surgery & truthfully, would need to talk about it.  And I do.

Keeping it real:

Truly my blog is therapy & I love that I make it that.  I hope that you see me as nothing but real, keeping things honest & true, & above all about life's struggles whether it be good, bad, fun or sad.  Life to me isn't just about what we have, what we do, who we see, what we wear... it's about getting it & growing as a human on earth closer to Christ.  There will be tons of falls along the way, no one is perfect.  No one.  But the truth is at times, even myself, people tend to focus WAY to much on what is of material, not of God.  Truly through my Dad's life changing  experience over the past 7 weeks, I have been planted a seed of what life is really about & my eyes are opened now more than ever.

The past few weeks:

The past 7 weeks of my life have been sad.  I can't lie.  As much as you love the Lord & trust Him, you just grow sad thinking about how your Dad's world has just been turned up side down.  I have NEVER had to deal with tragedy in my life besides when my Uncle passed a few years ago.  But never with a parent so this whole "life change" with his health has shocked all of us, yet opened our eyes.  I haven't been myself waking up worrying about if my Dad would have another heart attack before his heart surgery, worrying about his sadness, pain, change of lifestyle, weight... he lost 25 lbs in 6 weeks.  {Now how is that fair when us woman diet for AGES and lose 5?!}  HA!  No really, his eating habits have really changed his body since he was put on a very strict diet.

Okay so surgery day:

9/6/2012

I felt somewhat relieved because it was finally the day they were going to repair his heart.  It was the day they were going to fix everything.  We woke up early & were all at the hospital by 5am on Thursday morning. The nurses, staff, team, EVERYONE was just amazing while prepping him for surgery.  We had pastors from our church present & my Uncle who is a pastor that married me & Chad who stood by our sides alongside my Aunt through the entire process.  Truly our angels.

...  It was time for him to go back, they gave him the sleepy med's & after they opened the surgery doors my Mom & I had a minor break down.  The thought that they are putting your Dad to sleep, stopping their heart, stopping everything to perform a HUGE surgery is just uncomfortable.  You can imagine.  We sat for 3 hours through the surgery while we were given updates every hour of what was going on, which was so nice & at all times everything was just so smooth.

After surgery:

Finally around 11 he was in ICU & we were able to see him.  NOTHING,  I mean NOTHING will ever prepare you for what you see.  For someone that has grown up with a father that is literally superman, healthy, young, young looking, full of life, amazing... this moment just wasn't happening.  When we walked into the ICU room obviously he was still on anesthesia but the sight of his helplessness just ate me alive.  He had a breathing tube helping him breath coming out of his mouth, moving his stomach up & down as well as 15 billion other tubes, IV's coming out of every which direction.  His poor eyes had tears coming out of the corners & he tried to mouth to us while he was completely sedated.  I break down thinking about that moment all over again.  While I was praising God for him being alive & the problem being fixed, the helplessness you are seeing the Dad, that made everything okay in your life, go through in that moment just isn't even imaginable.  

Me & my brother:

I found myself walking out of the ICU doors into the hall just falling into pieces.  I will never forget the moment I walked out, fell on the floor praising God for keeping my Dad alive & giving him a new healthy heart that was fixed, yet being like, "WHY" is this happening & why do my perfect Daddy.  My heart just literally hurt & I wanted to throw up.  My brother said in that moment that he had NEVER cried that hard in his life.  I had always heard of how horrible things were going to be after the surgery & was prepared somewhat, but NOT like this.  It was pitiful.  Simply pitiful & a sight I will never forget.  It made me appreciate life a billion times more.

Mom:

My mother tried to hold it together like glue, but the pain was evident in her eyes.  She was miserable for him & us kids that we all had to see him like this.  During his recovery he was so drugged but they had signs that he was okay & that he loved her.  They draw a circle with 3 dots in the middle on it on each others hands & have since the day they met.  It's their "special" I love you secret! =)  Anyway he barely got his poor little helpless hand in hers & we saw him do it.  Breakdown of tears,  love & complete healing begin.  We just smiled with tears that in that moment of pain he was showing us he was still there.

After a few hours...

{Sorry this is graphic}

Dad started bleeding pretty bad.  They had several tubes coming out of his chest that were draining blood into something.  Out of the middle of nowhere a huge gush of blood started coming & my sister in law & I were told to go away.  We got a call back into ICU again from our Mom & my brother & I went back where we were told that they were going to rush him back again to emergency surgery to scope our everything & explore to ensure that there wasn't anything major going on because he was losing blood fast.  Not good.  The break down begins again here.  The immediately begin preparing him again for surgery & my Mom told him what was about to happen again although he was still heavily medicated from the precious heart surgery. I will never forget that moment.  All my dad did was point up to GOD with his little helpless finger & they rushed him off.  

Can you imagine our devastation as he was literally just brought from heart surgery & we thought he was okay to then again be rushed back in for them to AGAIN open his poor chest up again?  I couldn't fathom it. I felt sick.  When we all 3 made it to the hall my Mom, brother & I just lost it falling into each others arms we literally were begging for God's mercy.  We had no clue the severity of the bleeding but we knew it wasn't super common & something that had to be fixed, right away.  I just couldn't handle that he was going to have his poor little scared chest that I just saw, opened again.

ME:

My heart couldn't handle the fact that he JUST came from surgery & was going to be in the operating room AGAIN after looking so pitiful, to be open up again & worked on all over again.  I left & went outside & needed some time alone.  I prayed alot, questioned my life, was confused on why this was happening, & just started getting upset.  I felt alone but wanted to be alone.  I knew God was present but I started to be like "why God".  Why is someone so perfect going through something so life altering?  I begged for his mercy & remember laying my hands in front of me in front of the hospital BEGGING for his mercy & BEGGING for him to just take this pain away.

Praying for others & understanding:

I know that when others hear of family members or friends going through something hard we often say we will pray but do we truly get it?  I have to admit that until I went through this my compassion for others was just not as intimate.  My Aunt & I were talking in the waiting room later & she helped me to realize that this whole life altering thing that has happened to me with Dad has truly helped me to not only gain compassion for others in life, but also faith & trust in God.  I have truly had to learn the power of prayer & to believe it without seeing that God is in control & that his might power is unreal.  Through him all things are possible!  So not only through Dad's life change has HE changed, but he has worked through myself & my family as well on growing to have a more intimate trusting relationship with him.

Day after surgery:

Today was hard.  He was in so much pain.  Of course, he had to back to back open chest surgeries- his pain was out of this world.  Due to his blood pressure being so low they couldn't give him a certain about of medications to subside the pain.  It broke my heart seeing him in pain.  I was able to feed him today & we made him do breathing treatments along with sitting up in a chair.  Major progress.  We aren't sure how long he will be in the hospital but that doesn't matter right now he has plenty of weeks to recover from this.

  

To my Dad:

You ARE my rock star.  I wrote that on your heart pillow today.  Seeing you go through this has made me love you a billion times more & I don't know if that is even physically possible.  Mom has stood by your side she is your best friend.  That woman is so in love with you.  She loves you so much & has slept by your side & will for the next several weeks as you recover.  I am so thankful for her strong heart, she is just so awesome & has been so amazing through this hard process.  Nothing has prepared us for it but God & through Him we have successfully jumped another hard hurdle in our lives.  Seeing the pain you are going through reminds me much of what Jesus went through when he died on the cross for our sins.  Seeing your scar from your neck to your belly button will forever remind me of the pain Jesus endured on the cross for our sins so that we are able to be here & be with each other during your pains.  That scar will resemble your faith, your strength in Christ, & you getting through a hard moment that without him, wouldn't be possible.  I have no doubts you will move forward & heal so fast because you are a strong man.  I hope you know I am one of your biggest fans & without you in my life it's just not complete.  I love how we talk several times a day, talk about life, everything going on & even laugh about silly things together.  I can't imagine it any other way & I am just waiting for the day you are healed able to live your life comfortably again without any worries of your heart.  I'm ready for us to travel, have more grand babies for you, have family dinners, Christmas... I can't wait for the upcoming fun things going on with our family this winter for the Holidays.  This will be the best year yet for our family.... you just wait! There will be many surprises in store!  I love you to the moon, you be strong.  God has prevailed, served, honored our prayers, & healed.  Your heart is whole again.  I love you!

To my friends, blog readers:

THANK YOU for all of the notes, comments, calls, e-mails, texts, visitors... I am overwhelmed & undeserving of the love you each give me.  Thank you for finding my life interesting & taking me in as a friend.  I am beyond blessed.

Lord: 

You are Wonderful, Glorious, Holy and Righteous, Victorious, Conqueror, Triumphant and Mighty, Healer, Deliver, Shield and Defense, Strong Tower and My Best Friend, Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Soon Coming King, Alpha, Omega, Lord of Everything.. thank you!