Some news on my Dad.

The past few days have been black to me.  They have gone by so fast.  Something tragic for me personally & my family took place Saturday morning.

Two of my favorites in this world!

My Mom has been out of town visiting my grandmother helping while she has been ill the past few days.  I knew that my Dad was alone because I was going to stay with him Saturday evening since my husband was also going to be out of town on a guys weekend.  Saturday morning early I got a call from my Dad.  He didn't sound himself, was quiet, & proceeded to ask me to hold on.  After a few minutes I said, "Dad, are you okay?"  He told me to come to his house, he wasn't feeling well.  

I don't even remember hanging up the phone.  I didn't get dressed.  I threw Avery in the car & was off.  All I remember is my flashers being on, & there not being ONE SINGLE CAR on the road in my way.  It's like God knew & parted His way for me.  I arrived at their home to find his neighbors there getting ready to put him in their car.  Dad was on the bed looking as white as a ghost staying very calm & still but shaking because I know he must have been so afraid in that moment.

He was having a heart attack in that moment/on the way/at the hospital.

I got the hospital emergency room called my brother who was in tears who was with him at the time.  I had a meltdown in the emergency room crying asking for someone to help me find my Dad!  They had already taken my Dad back & was doing the EKG's &/or whatever other medical terms you want to call exactly what they were doing.  It wasn't good.  In that moment I couldn't breathe.  My Dad is one of my best friends, what is going on?  I felt like something punched me in the gut, I thought I was going to throw up, I had no answers & unfortunately my Mom wasn't present at this time so I was trying to hold it together with my brother.  We couldn't lose our Father.

My brother & I made our way into his room where they were running tests, talking fast, & moving very quickly.  All I remember is they said they were going to take him into immediate surgery for stents to be placed in his heart.  I have NO medical background what so ever so you can imagine my immediate confusion on the details of everything that was going on.  Why is this happening?  My Dad is in perfect health?  What is next?  

Before they took him away my brother & I leaned over him & laid our hands on Him & prayed over him out loud.   I remember whispering into Dad's ear while my brother prayed saying, "God heal Him".  I remembered that second at church, (in my previous post), where Dad said, "Just allow God to be there for you Ashley & He will.  But now it was my turn to tell him. I immediately knew in that moment why God had prepared me to accept the change I blogged about in my last post.  I have chills.  

They ended up placing 2 stents in his heart to fix the blockage.  There are tons of other details that I don't even want to get into or could be typing for days, & I am not a doctor so to be honest I don't even know how to explain it.  All I know is that our family needs your prayer.  He was in ICU until yesterday.  It's been a very hard thing to understand & I don't fully know how to grasp the whole concept of what could have happened if he wouldn't have gotten to the hospital any faster than he did.  

(My Mom drove all day with my Uncle & finally is here with the family, we are so thankful she keeps us going & breathing.  She has been by Dad's side since it all happened & we are thankful.)

When the doctor brought us into the room to tell us how his surgery went he pointed to the sky & said, "It was the good Lord that saved your Dad".  I will never forget that moment.  What a doctor.  And to have a man like that working on my Father.  Blessed.  

I will keep you updated as he heals, for now we ask for prayer from all over, your support, your love.... We are never promised tomorrow.  I know without a doubt in my heart that God prepared me for this change about to happen in my life, last Sunday when he so strongly spoke to me. 

We spiked his hair to make him smile with Hudson yesterday!

Remember what I said in my last post about "getting it"?

Life isn't about money, having things, knowing people, being the best or having the best.  Life is about "getting it".  Getting what life is truly about & why we are here & what God can do for us & what he wants us to do for Him.  I am no saint.  I am not perfect.  But I know my reason for being here & as my Dad said as we were walking out of church, "if you just make that effort & allow God to speak to you Ashley, He will, & He did".

A story from me...

{Warning, this is my journal of life & something that I must record & remember so be patient through my storybook today.  If you read, you may gain something that I did}...

God has been teaching me so much lately.  About myself.  About life.  About change.  

I struggle so much when I hear the word change.  I strongly dislike things being different, people coming in or out of my life, routines changing, my body changing, my mind changing, my child changing & growing, my husband's work schedule and/or career changing, people changing.  You name it.  I just don't cope well with things that mess up my "perfect puzzle pieces" if you will.  I often like to be in control & since I have had a baby have found myself getting worse.  I find myself with the hubby just wanting to do things on my own at times because I want it to be done just right.  I like to be in control of situations in my life sometimes so I can handle them & often times just not change them so everything stays exactly the same.

I can't lie, I have been down lately.  Bad.  Nothing horrible I wouldn't even say depressed; just confused.  Questioning life, the stage that I am in, why things are going the way they are, why things seem to be changing or are about to change.  I haven't handled it well.  I have been in a slump not really wanting to do anything but sit, be alone, reflect & cry.

It all go crazier over this past week when I realized I am late on my period.  I haven't felt myself & immediately recalled the feelings of when I found out that I was pregnant with Avery.  So, I got a pregnancy test.  I was in the WORST mood this past week.  Pondering whether I should get one, pondering whether I would be confused more, disappointed, excited, ready, etc.  I remember my heart beating through Wal-mart wanting to cry in the middle of the toy aisle with Avery basically talking to God out loud saying, "Is this really happening again, is it my time, I don't think I'm ready, I'm starting over, I love Avery so much, can I love another one like her?"  I am sure the look on my face was somewhat obvious because the tears were heavy in my eyes of simple confusion on whether to embrace change that COULD happen, or not.  And then I was immediately sad at the fact that time is flying by so fast, & what if I wasn't pregnant & I was sad because I really want to be...  I immediately started questioning everything in my life and again, all I could think about was change.

We got home, I took the test & it was negative.  We haven't been trying nor are we as of now.  I have totally been a huge advocate of just seeing what happens in God's timing.  Avery is 3 so any day now is fine, but emotionally/mentally I am just not sure if I am 100% ready to embrace the thought of it yet.  Anyway so as of now,  I am NOT pregnant.

...After that happened I just wanted to be alone.  I told Chad I needed to be alone so I left the house for several hours & drove around & just cried. I wanted to just breathe alone, talk to no one but God, listen to music, try to change my way of thinking, once again.  {While I was out, I may have stopped for a few sweet treats.  Ha!}  After I got home that afternoon I ended up in bed at 3pm & didn't get out until close to 9pm.  TOTALLY NOT ME.  I just felt cold, empty frustrated, alone.  Not because of not being pregnant, but because I am so scared of changing the "now" in my life.  I'm content, but am I? 

Okay are you ready?

Today God cleared my head one trillion percent.  It's funny how when we are in a moment of life we don't really know how there is any way we are going to get out of it.  But my moment of getting away from it was today.  We have had such a busy summer with being out of town, having company here or something else that we haven't always been able to make church each Sunday.  Today I felt God push me & say no matter what may come your way, you are getting up & going today, you need me.  


Today's sermon was on "My life is in your hands".  It was out of Joshua 1 talking of being strong & courageous & trusting God in all aspects of your life.  Pastor Floyd talked about change a lot.  Something that he said that I immediately put onto my FB page was this:

"When you RESIST change your life stalls, when you REJECT change your life will go backwards, when you RECEIVE change your life will go forward".

Immediately after he said that statement I knew exactly what God was trying to tell me.  I felt a huge burden off my shoulders go away, all of the questions I had just flew out of my head, the worry was gone & I felt the holy spirit working in me.  I realized that my life hasn't been going anywhere lately but in a downward spiral because I am sinking in the resisting change in all aspects of my life.   The moment something comes in to change me I reject it & move backwards which leads me to resist again.  It finally occurred to me that if I just be calm & receive whatever God wants me to have, my life will always go on & I will move forward on my journey.  

I learned that you cannot do anything to stop your life from changing.  Everything in your life will always be shifting & transitioning whether it be with your kids, family, job or even friends.  God always sees the end from the beginning.  All we can do is be strong, just know that there is something worth us moving forward for, even though our eyes may not be open to it now.  

I had spoke lightly to my Dad before church about how things were just kinda blah how I haven't felt myself lately.  How things were just moving fast & life seemed to be changing too quick.  I whispered to him during the sermon & said, "this is exactly what God has needed me to hear today".  During the end of the sermon I just cried as they played this song "My life is in your hands".  My Dad just grabbed me & held me as I cried. He knew exactly what I was going through in that moment.  

"Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything."

Here is the kicker: Life isn't about money, having things, knowing people, being the best or having the best.  Life is about "getting it".  Getting what life is truly about & why we are here & what God can do for us & what he wants us to do for Him.  I am no saint.  I am not perfect.  But I know my reason for being here & as my Dad said as we were walking out of church, "if you just make that effort & allow God to speak to you Ashley, He will, & He did".

The way I now look at change may possibly never look the same to me again.  I am going to embrace everything, look forward not back, & know that there is a plan no matter the timing in my life.  Because my life is in his hands.

Show us Your life- Kid's Room/Nursery!

Hey guys!  So much has been going on I have so much to catch up from this past week, including that I got to meet my favorite woman LPGA golfer, Natalie Gulbis!  We also had my sister in law's 33rd Birthday celebration & Crystal's 31st!  {Next post}...

I decided today that I would participate in the "SHOW US YOUR HOME" nursery at my sweet friend Kelly's blog that she did a few days ago!  I'm going to do Avery's first & then wanted to also share my sister in law's because she did so great on my nephews nursery,  you have to see!

Here is Avery's!

I teach Avery about each Holiday so we try to do something cute in her room for each Holiday!

And this is my sweet nephew Hudson's nursery! My sister in laws has some amazing taste!! We love decorating!  The same lady did our paintings on the wall & we had the same girl do our curtains & bedding.  They are so talented!