Life is so good for me right now. I seriously couldn't be MORE happy than I am right now with how my life is going. I am totally "
in this moment". Things are just going so great with Avery & I love the fact that I am now comfortable with being a stay at home Mom. I am finally at a stage in the 9 months of her life where I feel ME, once again! I feel so comfortable to call myself her Mommy. I feel comfortable to enjoy life with her. I feel comfortable with everything!
I truly battled my emotions the first 7 months or so of her life. I worked for years before I had her & then when my whole life changed & I was responsible for this human, I really had no clue what to do besides what I was always told. Okay, I won't lie- I was pretty much somewhat depressed. Not because I wasn't happy but I had no clue what I was doing or what I was going to do with myself, & her... I was so use to working; Going into an office, seeing faces, talking to people, being busy, having a cup of coffee at my desk, meetings, lunches... I was on a schedule. Then when I had Avery & chose to not go back to work, it was all a new world for me! We went from having 2 pay checks to one. I had to learn to save money & not spend it. I had to learn to be comfortable home with her all day, all while trying to keep a smile on my face & "pretending" that I was okay. I often wondered if I was making the right choice. I loved working. I loved being in a routine, I loved structure along with being busy! So that guilt hung over my head many of nights because I wanted so badly to just be with her, but my heart was so confused if I was doing the right thing.
After a period of time passed, the Lord made it VERY clear to me what HE wanted for my life.
IN THIS MOMENT he wanted me to be a Mom. As huge as a challenge as it was I took it with open arms. I spent most of my mornings on my knees before she would wake up praying that I could get through another day & not cry. Again I need to confirm that I wasn't sad. I was just wanting to feel my free spirited happiness again, and have the comfort of knowing that I was doing everything right! I felt so lost. Almost like it was a "job" but not the kind of job I KNEW how to do. Does that make sense? Just like you start a new job & it takes time to learn the ropes, I too went through that for 6 months! But the hard part is, once I learned something & mastered it, she would change! Everything is always a change & that isn't something I have always felt comfortable in my life with, CHANGE. Again, I welcomed it with open arms.
I found a quote one day during my trials & it said, "If you want to find true happiness in life, don't tie it to people or things". I stopped comparing myself to other stay at home mom's, working mom's, traveling mom's, business woman, anyone in general. I just decided to live life for me, my husband, & baby & enjoy it; not worry about all my surroundings & how everyone else did it. I just decided to take it on MY WAY!
Reminds me of a verse that I also found in Philippians: "
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."
I just thought I would share a little history with you over the past 9 months & also give you some encouragement! God is so good & I don't know where I would be with out Him in my life. My husband is a great support, as well as my family & Chad's family... and of course the precious gift from God- Avery, who is a reminder of all the greatness in my life now, & forever...
Remember, the Lord will never give you more than you can handle. He has a plan & knows it before it happens. I get chills thinking about how I have almost conquored a year of being a Mom! You will always have "seasons" in life where you will need to grow & learn from things, & this was my season.
